Pride and Joy!

I am laughing with pride, overwhelmed by joy. I did what I deemed impossible today. Not only did I fill out applications and apply to Canadian Tire, Walmart and Costco, I did even more! I never thought that was possible. There I was, resumes in hand, filling out applications at a BBBS table, because I didn't think to bring a pen. Genius right? Applications totally annoy me: what is the point of a resume and cover letter when one has to answer all sorts of dumb questions? However, I did three of them today. I even explored the bus system a little bit to see which bus is best for me. I learned that it is about 20 minutes on the bus from where I would catch the bus, to Walmart. I guess that is not too bad – you commuters would tell me that is nothing, but please remember, I live in Prince George. Then Costco made me angry. I wanted to fill out my application in the food court, and have a piece of their delicious, greasy pizza. But the girl wouldn't let me in. I know you normally cannot with a membership card, but I hoped that because I was applying, they would let me. Nope. I fill out the application, smile pretty and walk away. I head for the bus stop of the bus which brings me practically to my door. I stop and look at the schedule, wondering when the next bus comes. NO! I have missed the bus by 10 minutes, and this particular loop only runs once an hour. I carry on walking to the mall, where I will have a pizza by the slice, from who ever it is that sells pizza and pasta. NOTE: the pizza and pasta store is not there anymore. So, I have a poutine and mozza burger from A&W and plan my route home. I quite often walk from the mall, but today did not seem to be my day. I looked and that not-so-handy-1-hour-loop bus is at the mall, going the direction I need it, in about 20 minutes. I head out the bus stop. It starts raining (I am pretty sure it might be snow, it feels awfully cold today!). Eventually, the bus comes and I made it home. Chapters kindly had emailed me while I was out that 4/6 of the books I bought yesterday have been shipped. Mom had some sort of Mystery Coupon that you didn't know the value of until you cashed it in for Chapters for online purchases. So, I sat down and found books yesterday (Mom really ought to stop encouraging this!). I bought $130 worth of books, but am only paying 50 some bucks for them. I think the coupon was 10%. So, I am excited that my books are on their way! I had just finished my newest book collection and was starting to read the books we pick up at yard sales! There is nothing wrong with those books, we normally have a pretty decent collection. I am not sure why I am so into new books this year, but I seem to be.

Okay, so you have probably forgotten why I am overflowing with pride and joy today. Well, yesterday in my loneliness, I decided to text Travis, just to see how he was doing. I haven't heard anything from him since before I went to his parents place, and very little at that point. He didn't respond last night, but did early this afternoon at some point while I was on my pounding the pavement resume journey. He doesn't have much to say (to anyone he says) to me these days. But he said he was fine, I said the same. Then he told me that thinking about me is still very painful to him. I laughed! Can you believe it? I laughed.

I don't believe thinking about me is painful to him, I am not sure it ever was. I do not believe that he is still hurting from the series of bad choices that he made. If I am not still hurting from it, how can he be? After a long pause in our text conversation, I decided that I would text him back. My text told him that I thought he was funny.

I am so proud of myself. I seem to have overcome this completely. There are still days I miss him, but I do not believe the man I loved ever existed and I am pretty sure that almost everything I thought I knew about him is a lie. But, maybe he does miss me. I am pretty much the best person since Mother Theresa (ha ha). I am amazing, and although I might not be good in the sack, I am the best you'll ever find! Seriously though, I am awesome, and I have a huge heart. It's not often you will find someone willing to forgive you for your mistakes for as long as I will.

Anyways, I had to share this complete turn around with someone, even though I don't have much else to say, and this is a very poorly written blog.

I love you!!!