July 10, 2014
I was asked a difficult question today, and I struggled with
the answer all day. However, I realized
that what I experienced today will probably come up a lot in my career,
whatever that will be.
I received a message from someone I care a lot about, and am
very proud of. This woman has turned her
life around and I consider her a friend.
However, it has been 7 months since we last talked. Out of the blue, she asked if I could lend
her a couple hundred bucks for gas and groceries. She “forgot” to do her taxes, and only
realized when she didn’t receive a government supplement she normally
gets. She says she gets paid again on
July 29 and can have the money back in my account that day. Something about the conversation is nagging
at me. I guess I am jaded. I feel like the situation has changed. I feel like she isn’t in a good place. I asked if she had gone to the food bank for
food. She told me that the food bank
only allows a visit once a month. That
doesn’t sound right to me. I know I have
never been in that situation, but I am sure you can hit a food bank more often
if you need it, especially when you have a toddler. Also, it sounds like she
only gets paid once a month – what kind of job does she actually have? The
situation sounds weird to me, and I have been told enough stories to trust this
this time. I also think that sometimes
you have to learn a lesson the hard way – file your taxes if you want
government money! I think it is the baby
that makes me question my motives.
I think what bugged me most about the conversation is that
she won’t take “no” for an answer. I
wore my big girl panties and told her that I couldn’t do it. I am worried about August rent in my house. I am going on a road trip in a week. I need to pay to get a new license. And I didn’t want to, however, I am not
always good at shaking the boat, so I didn’t tell her that part. After I said I didn’t have the money to help
her out, so asked for “just $150” while saying it’s okay if I can’t. I have not responded, but have received several
more messages begging for my help – for the baby’s sake. I am not going to give her the money. I don’t
like that she came out of nowhere and asked for it. I don’t like that she is begging me for
it. We aren’t really close although I
care a lot about her. We haven’t spoken
at all since Christmas time and before that, probably six months. If it were a good friend, that I know well,
and know the situation better, I would consider it. I don’t like the situation and don’t want to
ask all the questions to try to know the situation. It’s not my problem right?
I know that as I enter social work, people will want money
from me, or other things that I feel uncomfortable doing. Big girl panties and a back bone will be
needed in my life. I need to trust my
instincts. I need to protect myself. I can only do my job. I can give a lot of myself in this job, and
put a lot into the career, and these are good things. But I need to have boundaries. My friend today needs to find a social worker
to help her. She needs to fix things in her life. I am not her social worker. I don’t live in
the same community to advocate for her, or to send her places where they might
be able to help her. And as a bit of a
long lost friend, I am not that person.
This does not make me a bad person.
It makes me someone true to myself, possibly for the first time in my
life.
