Doubt.

You have left me in pieces

Where I should be whole

You have left me doubting

When I have no reason to doubt

You have left me questioning

When I have no reason to question

And you have left me hurting

Though no one is hurting me anymore.

You have left me hateful

When I am a loving person

You have left me questioning

If my beliefs in humanity are wrong

You have left me doubting

When the man in my life

Leaves me with no doubt at all.

And you still hurt me

You still have power

You still confuse me

You still hurt me.

When he does something

I automatically think

He is trying to hurt me

But that was only you.

He is nothing like you

He actually cares for me

He would never hurt me

He would never cheat on me

He would never do me wrong

Yet whenever he is distant

I doubt his love for me

And all this is because of you

And all you did to me.

How Dare You.

Who do you think you are?

What do you think you are doing?

Do you think it’s still going to work?

Do you think you are still in control?

How dare you.

How dare you say that to me

After all you have done

Where do you get off

Thinking you still have control

Where do you get off

Having anything to say to me

How dare you

Try to guilt trip me

After all this time

And all the mistakes you made

How dare you

Try to make me feel bad

For being happy without you

How dare you make me feel bad

For what you have done all along.

How dare you.

What were you thinking?

Where do you get off?

What a DAY!

What a day. Omg!

Yesterday, as I hope all my Canadian friends know, was our election. I was at the polling station for over 15 hours. The day went quickly even though we didn’t have all that many voters at my station. My partner in crime was an annoying old lady who just wanted to go smoke but wasn’t allowed. Somehow, she managed two cigarette breaks anyways; one by busting into tears that no one was being fair to her, including me. In a way, she was right, and in a way, she was ridiculous. With her sitting beside me, instructions were given (but directed at me) about how to do a certain thing. I did that one, but when I gave her the book and told her that it was actually her job, shit hit the fan. She didn’t know how because no one had talked to her about it. I had bumbled through the one I had done, but it wasn’t part of my job. I am all for helping out, but I was busy doing other things too! Anyways, she broke into tears and was sent to calm down.

Pretty much no one at the location I was at had ever done their job before, which is a great way to start something like this! But when the opportunity comes around once every four years, it’s hard to find trained people! We had three people from candidates that were watching us count the votes, and two of them sat with me. Good times! Eventually we got our votes counted, and had no real errors. Now the closing of the box and everything, which needed my supervisor to sign off everything as well. I finish with 3 other still left to close up. I (obviously) decide to help them as much as possible and get everyone home quickly. I didn’t leave from my 6 am start time, until 9:45 pm. Needless to say, I was exhausted, but on a second or third wind, maybe provided by some coffees and food kindly delivered to me!

I am also housesitting this week for two dogs. I come over here quickly (and ready for bed) and the dogs run out the front door when I open it. Luckily, they are good dogs, and when I said come in, they did. By 10:30 I am in bed. But, elections keep running through my head. I don’t actually get to sleep until about 2 am. 6 am when the dogs are up again comes really early. If I knew what a hangover felt like, I would say I felt hung over. Kick the dogs outside twice and off to work I go. I steal the parking pass from the car that was left behind by the people I am house sitting for on my way to work. I will later discover that this parking pass is expired, and that I have a ticket to pay now. Grr!

At work I get set up with doing things I have done for so long. Tedious work, but work which I am incredibly glad to have, just maybe not so much today. At coffee, I head for switchboard as I have been told I am the coverage. The girl has a doctor’s appointment, so I expect her to be a little late. At 11:30, I decide that I need my coffee break (which should have been 1030-11) so I put the phone on call forward to someone else and go for coffee. The girl on switchboard didn’t come back until after 1 pm (her lunch ended at 1). I have since been told that I can only have a half hour lunch since I have a doctor’s appointment and have to leave early. Fine, whatever, works for me. I grab my coat and keys and head back to the house to let the dogs out. The owners swore that neither of their dogs have ever had an accident in the house. I find dog shit through the hallway and by the door. At least he was going to where he should be let out! Kick the dogs out and clean up the poop, all the while trying to demolish my own lunch. Awesome. Bring the dogs back inside and back to work I go. I work for the next 2 hours and then leave to go to the immunization clinic where I am supposed to be getting any shots I need for China. I have to run home first because in all my planning, I didn’t bring my immunization card with me. Park a mile away from the office because I see a spot and think it might be the last… not even close. Then the clinic people tell me that the one shot I need (which they don’t think I need, but my contract says I do) is one that needs to be preordered. The supplier will only send a minimum $500 order, and that is one more vaccine than I require. Thankfully, I think Mom needs it too, so we can get it in! I will deal with that later in the week. However, the clinic still charged me for their time anyways. I walked out empty handed and $40 broker. The clinic also wants me to get my rabies shot, which doesn’t do a lot of anything; you still need to be treated if you get scratched or bitten! She says it buys you time, and costs at least my arm if not my leg too! Isn’t $350 for Japanese Enciphilitous enough!? Gawd!

I come back to the house and let the dogs out again. Thankfully, I have not found any poop yet. I make the dogs dinner and kick them outside (which is actually where they eat their dinner). As I go to set up my laptop, I notice something blue by the TV which looks out of place. Upon closer inspection, I realize that it is the panties I wore yesterday, torn to pieces. Awesome. Guess 17 hour sweaty panties are tasty. Thankfully, John agreed to come hang out with me here so I don’t have to go anywhere, and the dogs get to keep my amazing company for the night. Hopefully, nobody shits in the house for me! And hopefully, my hangover goes away!

Love you.