Big Girl Panties

July 10, 2014

I was asked a difficult question today, and I struggled with the answer all day.  However, I realized that what I experienced today will probably come up a lot in my career, whatever that will be.

I received a message from someone I care a lot about, and am very proud of.  This woman has turned her life around and I consider her a friend.  However, it has been 7 months since we last talked.  Out of the blue, she asked if I could lend her a couple hundred bucks for gas and groceries.  She “forgot” to do her taxes, and only realized when she didn’t receive a government supplement she normally gets.  She says she gets paid again on July 29 and can have the money back in my account that day.  Something about the conversation is nagging at me.  I guess I am jaded.  I feel like the situation has changed.  I feel like she isn’t in a good place.  I asked if she had gone to the food bank for food.  She told me that the food bank only allows a visit once a month.  That doesn’t sound right to me.  I know I have never been in that situation, but I am sure you can hit a food bank more often if you need it, especially when you have a toddler. Also, it sounds like she only gets paid once a month – what kind of job does she actually have? The situation sounds weird to me, and I have been told enough stories to trust this this time.   I also think that sometimes you have to learn a lesson the hard way – file your taxes if you want government money!  I think it is the baby that makes me question my motives.

I think what bugged me most about the conversation is that she won’t take “no” for an answer.  I wore my big girl panties and told her that I couldn’t do it.  I am worried about August rent in my house.  I am going on a road trip in a week.  I need to pay to get a new license.  And I didn’t want to, however, I am not always good at shaking the boat, so I didn’t tell her that part.  After I said I didn’t have the money to help her out, so asked for “just $150” while saying it’s okay if I can’t.   I have not responded, but have received several more messages begging for my help – for the baby’s sake.  I am not going to give her the money. I don’t like that she came out of nowhere and asked for it.  I don’t like that she is begging me for it.  We aren’t really close although I care a lot about her.  We haven’t spoken at all since Christmas time and before that, probably six months.  If it were a good friend, that I know well, and know the situation better, I would consider it.  I don’t like the situation and don’t want to ask all the questions to try to know the situation.  It’s not my problem right?

I know that as I enter social work, people will want money from me, or other things that I feel uncomfortable doing.  Big girl panties and a back bone will be needed in my life.  I need to trust my instincts.  I need to protect myself.  I can only do my job.  I can give a lot of myself in this job, and put a lot into the career, and these are good things.  But I need to have boundaries.  My friend today needs to find a social worker to help her. She needs to fix things in her life.  I am not her social worker. I don’t live in the same community to advocate for her, or to send her places where they might be able to help her.  And as a bit of a long lost friend, I am not that person.  This does not make me a bad person.  It makes me someone true to myself, possibly for the first time in my life.