Twilight Drama

I went to Twilight tonight. I came home trying to control the sobs that are racking my body right now. Twilight is a teen movie, the “romance” of it is not my problem. I will not deny that the fact that Bella has two men madly in love with her, willing to die for her, is a little bit shitty when you are alone, but whatever!

It was one line. Before I even realized what was said, I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I quickly brushed it away, but the thought process that made it appear is harder to get rid of, and tears are still falling from my eyes.

Edward “The best night of my life was the night you agreed to marry me, Mrs. Cullins”

Instantly, I was back in Trav's bedroom, October 16, 2009. We had gone for cheesecake, but he had left my “surprise” at home. We are back in his room. He hands me a gift bag and sits a little ways away fro m me on the bed. I hesitantly open it, and pull out the pink diary from inside. The book flips open to a page. The page professes undying love for me. It tells me to flip to the next page. The book does it on it's own. There is a ring, tied with a white ribbon, and the words I longed to hear. Tears filled my eyes. Travis's arms wrapped around me. I kissed his lips. Just a soft kiss. I let him hold me while I cried. Somewhere along the way, I said yes. The ring found it's way onto my left hand. I smiled. I laughed. I cried.

I thought my dreams had come true. I remember the passionate look in his eyes. I remember seeing a family flash before my eyes. I remember how I told Nathaniel, and how he said that was just fine with him. I remember telling every body, and the words they said. I remember the way the ring shone in the light. I remember the look in Travis's eyes. He called me Mrs Reynolds.

And here I am, not even a year later, crying because someone said the words I once heard. Crying because an actor's line in a film cut straight to my heart.

The worst part is, I don't even think about Trav anymore. Someone asked me today how things were going with him, and I felt myself think “God, are we still on that?” I can normally talk about him without tears, without bitterness. But tonight, I cry for all he once was to me. Because some stupid words hit me where I thought I had forgotten.

Now I get to convince myself to sleep, and hope that he does not come to me in dream tonight, as he often still does. Marc comes sometimes too. Last week they both haunted me most of the nights. Tonight, will be the first night that I actually go to bed remembering what I once thought was mine though. I think it was how unexpected the words were that made me cry. I don't think my friend noticed, but I was still embarrassed to be crying during Twilight. It was not Twilight that made me cry, but my own past.

If only it was the best part of his life, the night I agreed to marry him. Because, it was the best night of mine. I still want someone to say that to me, and to mean it. But for now, I wait.