LIES.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate liars? Well, I do. Tell me the truth dammit! I accept it far better than when I find out you have lied. And for the record, it always comes out, at some point down the road. I am tired of “friends” who lie to me. Some people tell me that I should call them on it. Some people tell me to ignore it. The liar always has a reason why they lied. But to me, betrayal is betrayal. I am no longer going to fight to keep people in my life. If you don't want to be my friend, then please, don't be my friend. Don't lie to me and make up excuses why we cannot hang out. Oh, and word to the wise, don't post things that make your lies obvious on Facebook. Some of you might say that Facebook is the problem. But Liars are. Liars are just more easily spotted on social networks such as Facebook and Twitter (not that I am tweeter). I will not call you on your lies. I will merely walk away. I guess, it's up to you decide which you want.

Sorry. I had a friend tell me they couldn't hang out with me for 2 weeks because they were that crazy busy. The next day, the write on someone's wall wondering if they can hang out on Sunday. Super crazy busy hey? I understand. I am just not worth the time. * shrugs * fine with me. It's their loss right? But I do wonder why I get stood up so often, and why people make so many excuses why they cannot hang out with me. Why people no longer want to be my friend if I make a mistake. I know I am not perfect, but I do not feel like I do anything to push people away like this!

As Brandi has always said, it's quality over quantity. I know this. Sadly, I find out more and more often how true it is. I have never been able to claim many friends. I find it incredibly sad every time I have to knock another friend off the list because they insist on lying to me. Why is it so hard to tell the truth?

However, my quality friends are superb. They are the few who read my blog every day. They are the few that when they say “I love you” I believe to be true. They are the ones who believe in me, believe in my dreams. True friends are the ones that find time for you, who listen to you, and don't run away if life is a little tough. I always find it extra ironic when people lie when I am at my best – happy and 'normal' as opposed to the depressed I feel so often. I used to think that a good friend was one who stuck by me in my moods. However, I find that a lot of people who stick by me when I am depressed are no where to be found afterward. Can anyone explain that to me? Am I different when happy? Well, I guess that is obvious; but am I different in a bad way? Why do some people only want to be my friend when I am depressed? Where are they afterward? And even when they are there when I am depressed they quickly tire of my moods (No. I do not blame them, I normally do to, but I know that I am doing all I can do to fight it. I no longer hesitate with my anti-depressants. I no longer try to wait it out. I get help these days. So why do I have so few friends? And why do even fewer of them live where I can see them!?

I am lonely and sad tonight. I am close to tears. I want someone to hang out with. I even went out today. I had coffee with a friend I didn't even realize I really had until recently. I think she is a true friend as well. She says I can call her anytime I need a friend. She wants me on Skype so we can chat when she is back at school.

I might go on a quick road trip with her next week. She has to go to the Okanagan to see her Grandparents. I need a bra. There are some people in Merritt and Kelowna I want to see, plus I could pop in quickly to Dad's place. Maybe I can see Justin too! YAY! I really miss his presence in my life. I knew he was growing on me... I will only have about 4 days before I have to be home to house-sit for most of August. At least I will have a car to use from them. I might go out and see Mom and Derek for a day at some point during August, but I think this quickie might be all I get in for travel for a while.

I am going to be in the Pride Parade tomorrow. I am really excited. The CNC Student Union is doing a we support the Gay Community banner, and they have someone wearing every colour of the pride rainbow. I will be one of those colours with them. I plan to take lots of pictures, so stay tuned! Hopefully, it will be fun enough to blog about!

I am supposed to have coffee with a friend's wife next week. Scott married her in Vancouver while I was gone, and have yet to meet her. Scott says we would truly get along well, so I am a little excited to finally have this going on. She says that she will have Emma (Scott's 5 year old daughter) and that we could maybe go to the water park. Because I am me, I asked if I could then bring Nathaniel with me, as I am sure he and Emma would have a great time together. It's always better with someone to play with right! I need a date from her though, because I need to talk to Natasha about it all of course!

Still no luck on the job front. Adrianne suggested today on our coffee date that maybe I should just find someone to volunteer for the summer. It would get me out of the house and give me something meaningful to do. I honestly hadn't thought of that, I think I will look into it. Maybe I will take the laptop outside and do a search now. I don't want to be inside, but have been reading all day and am tired of reading now too!

Anyways, I just wanted to vent a little about liars and to tell you what's going on in my life. I know, it's not much, but I do have an amazing tan! I remember being golden brown as a child, I used to call it marshmallow perfect. I almost feel like I am there now! Andrea gets home soon, so hopefully I can start making plans with her! Adrianne (smart girl that she is) also suggested I could just get a working visa and go and live with Andrea or someone over there for a while and figure out my life from there too, since I have an overwhelming urge to get out of PG where I feel like there is even less here for me with each passing day, and every lie that comes my way.

I know, a little down from what you have heard lately, but... well, I am bored and unhappy with that! I wake up every day wondering what I should do today! I woke up at 6 am the other day with a thought of walking the 7 km return trip to the university right then. But my next thought was, so you are done by 9 am! What do you do with the whole day then!? Needless to say, I went back to sleep, but I did go up the hill that day, and tacked an extra kilometer on for fun...

I love you. Thank you for being a real friend!