What if it it cancer? Why not now, they say it will be back in 10 years anyways - I am five down.
What if it is something else? that means more problems, more doctors appointments, more pain
What if it is nothing? Then everything I feel and see in my body has no cause.
If it is nothing, there is nothing I can do, ever.
If it is something, maybe we can fix it...
If it is Cancer, at least I have been down that road part way before.
I don't know which is worse, I don't know which I would prefer. I don't want any of these options. Why is there no just positive outcome possible?

Scared and lonely, I go through this alone.