Grief

I talked with  mom of a “unique needs" child today and she helped me understand a lot.  I need to let go of the idea of what parenting looks like and accept our reality.  Illyana is not quite your typical kid and she needs to be treated for who and what she is.  And I need to make her needs work for me.  Cheering for her is unnatural to me but she needs it.  Illyana is so socially motivated and I am an introvert.  We find a level that works for us.  And I might be cheering lots of things I never dreamed I would cheer for because that’s what my kiddo needs.  But the part that really got me is that I don’t just need to let go of my ideals, but I need to grieve them as well. This is not what I expected and its not what the majority of my friends have dealt with, but obviously it is what our adventure is.  Illyana may or may not grow out of her unique needs and we may or may not add other unique needs to who she is.  But she is perfectly Illyana.  I am still kind of in denial so the grief is still to come but its getting closer.  Maybe the grief will live quietly or maybe it will explode out (I’m kind of a one or the other type girl).  But when that grief does come, I already know today’s conversation will make it that much easier.  It’s not grieving my child; its grieving expectations that don’t match reality and moving on to accept and embrace our reality.  I’m in the perfect job for a unique needs child as I get to learn a lot about mental health and some healthy means of coping for all of us.
It really does take a village to raise a child (and support a mama) and I have learned how big and wonderful our village is in the last month.   Thanks for being part of our village