Dear Jenna,
There is an atish in my heart that it is time to heal. It is time to allow your spirit to shine
through again. I know you are hurting
because of a mistake you made almost 10 years ago. I forgive you for it. You were young, and in pain. All you wanted was human contact to remind
you that you were still lovable. Leaving
the man you loved was a big decision to make.
I am proud of you for having the strength to walk away from something
not right for you. I know you have this
intense guilt about what you did when you were 19. Compared to many, you did nothing. But I know you feel lit. You made mistakes, you learned from your
mistakes. I forgive you for the mistakes
we made. Mistakes happen. Poor decisions happen. They do not define you. You are not your mistakes any more than you
are your thoughts. Just think about how
you have changed from that summer. You
are in control again. You quickly grew
out of a stage of life (a completely normal stage of life I might add) and
became a better person. I forgive you
for your actions. I know how much you
were hurting at the time. I forgive
you. Let your spirit shine through.
I know you struggle with how you dealt with the results of
that summer. But, eight years later and
I am not sure I could do any better than you did at the time. Doctors are supposed to take care of
you. Your doctor failed you. He failed at his job that day. It hurt you.
You were rightfully terrified. He
set you up for failure by giving you no information to go on, nothing to help
you cope. He gave you no warning and
left you alone to react. You were so
young. Of course you were terrified. Cancer means death. Most doctors would realize the word cancer,
to any age patient, is traumatizing. He
failed you. I forgive you for your
response. The medical system didn’t make
it easier on you with wait times and rules.
You waited for tests, waited for results, waited for appointments. Somehow, no one told you what you needed to
know but were afraid to ask. Sure you
could have asked, but you were 21 years old and terrified. Who wants to ask if they are dying? The system failed you. I forgive you.
Because life was terrifying, you found comfort where you
could. Maybe you walked away when you
should have stayed. Maybe you stayed
when you should have ran. You did what
you thought was best at the time. You
did what you had to do. You did your
best with what you had. You learned and
you grew from your experiences. I
forgive you and am proud of you for making it so far on your own. I am proud of you for the choices you
made. They haven’t always been the best
choices, but in the end, you always did what was best for you. That takes strength I am happy to see you
in. You have struggled because of your
mistakes and because of choices of others.
Somehow you always end up on top, with your beautiful smile shining
through. Let go of the pain of your
past. It cannot define you anymore.
Jenna, you are a beautiful person, inside and out. I forgive you for your past. I am proud of you. I see such hope for your future. Please, accept my apology and my forgiveness
for the transgressions against your soul.
Let go of the pain you carry. You
are perfect and whole. You are loved for
all you are and for the road you have traveled. You are forgiven.
I love you with everything I am.
Jenna
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