A Religious Exploration

October 14, 2011

We talked religion yesterday, Christianity to be exact. Where in the past I have felt the desire to walk away from the conversation (like many of us did yesterday), I settled in for the chat. None of the teachers here would actually be able to force religion on someone, so I figured it might be worth it. We all come off as unlikely candidates for believing let alone preaching.

I believe that there is a high power in our lives, and although I call it “God” I have never been sure of the biblical aspects of Christianity. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that every person that enters your life has a purpose. When things are bad, look for the lesson you learned, or the ways in which you are growing. When people hurt you, remember how they changed you and how you are a better person for it. I believe that people have the power to change into exactly who they want to be, and that person is typically who we are meant to be, according to God. If I am happy and at peace with my life and who I am, then I believe that the higher power and myself are working together in life. When I am not at peace, I ask for help to find my way back to the happy equilibrium I need in my life. I know that these things will not just happen; I know that personal work is required. I believe that if you need a friendly presence, you just have to ask. Somehow, your pain and loneliness is lessoned and although you are still “alone” you feel a little better. Sometimes, you might not notice it, but think back about those lonely nights where you cried yourself to sleep. When you woke up, you felt renewed and able to continue. Maybe a friend calls you in the morning and you have a good day with them. There is always an answer, of some sort.

There have been times in my life where after begging for help from God, I have felt a peace flow through me. Just last night, as I cried in a TV show induced loneliness, I asked for strength to continue, to do what I am here doing. Nothing changed in my situation except that my tears dried up and positive thoughts of my life and accomplishments flowed into my mind. I have felt other things when God has helped. Christmas 2008 when Erin and I landed in the ditch on the Coke at – 30 I knew God was with us. We both felt the car try to flip, we felt it go into the air, and almost as if it never happened, the car settled into a gentle stop. Erin and I walked away without a scratch when the witness thought for sure we must be dead. That wasn’t luck; that was God. When my life was spinning out of control later that year, I begged for help to take me out of the rut I had dug for myself. The answer came very clearly to me. You all questioned my sanity when I dropped out of the job competition, for a job which only a week ago I desperately wanted. But, God had given me the answer to my problems. I needed to go to Africa. Without a lot of research, I decided on a company and a country to visit. I didn’t question it; it felt right. I landed in an orphanage which changed everything in my life, and I believe made me a better person. I learned to love unselfishly. I learned to love for those children, and those children loved me back in return. For the first time outside of my family, I was loved unconditionally. I felt true love. It came from 30 different people, but it was true, unconditional and peaceful. Now I was able to learn to love myself for the first time. One must have this kind of love in order to love them, and this love is a treasure when found. When Agogo was so sick, I prayed. I asked for help, I asked for answers. I promised anything I was capable of in exchange for Agogo’s health. I fell asleep that night frantically praying for Agogo. I woke up at peace with answers. Agogo improved. I don’t remember now what the answers were, but I know that it all got better. To many of you, my life is directionless. I can’t explain and therefore you don’t understand; I am gently nudged in the direction where I need to be. I can’t fight it. It is what I must do. Dreams appeared in my life. Decisions which seem hard became easy. And when my dreams contradicted each other, an answer once again became clear to me. China isn’t what I wanted it to be for me. What I want for me, and what I feel is the right answer, is in Vanderhoof. Now, don’t take that in the wrong way. China is helping me; I am growing from my experiences and challenges. Because I feel a little lost, I am asking for help again: help in finding my purpose in being here, because I know God has one. It is up to me to ask him to show it to me, and to live up to it when it becomes clear.

In our conversation last night, Erin had her Bible in her hand. What she described was basically what I have said above about my own beliefs, but in a clear and concise way. When man and woman (not yet named Adam and Eve) ate from The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, they brought emotions in our lives. Before this, God was their friend and they bore no shame. Upon eating from the Tree, they became shameful of their nakedness and their disobedience of God. God separated from them because of this. He created rules. Humans were to know good and evil, and feel the corresponding emotions. When Jesus came along, God believed him to be perfect. Jesus sinned; Jesus hung out with the “real people” of society – those that were not overtly religious. We know that his lover was a prostitute. Jesus preformed miracles. In the Bible, there is always proof that someone else also performed the same miracle either before or after Jesus. This makes Jesus a regular person. God made him perfect, and he sinned and his miracles were not his alone. Erin suggests this means that we can all be like Jesus – God made us in his own image as he made Jesus. God made us each perfect for ourselves. The Bible says that Jesus questioned God before turning himself in to die on the cross, but in the end, said “It’s your will God” and did it. Erin follows Jesus, not the later preaching’s of Paul, which I understand now are what most churches follow. Jesus gave his life into God’s hands. In this reading (which I like), if Jesus had not gone to the cross, he would have disobeyed God’s will and therefore committed the only true sin. Erin takes this as that each of us has our own set of sins with God. Just because God tells me to do something, doesn’t make it a sin for you if you don’t stop. Let’s use something that I know most of you question in me: my refusal to drink even though I am not sure it’s a valid argument here. God told me not to drink, and I obeyed. God did not tell you not to drink. If I began drinking, it would be a direct refusal of God’s will and I would be a sinner. Because God did not tell you the same thing he told me, you are not a sinner by drinking.

This is where this really spoke to me. I don’t care about sinners, but when I feel strongly that I need to do something, I do it. I don’t always have reasons behind my decisions. This is true for my non-drinking. I don’t like the smell of alcohol, and I felt it destroyed my family. I didn’t even think about drinking until college (and even then, that’s just when drinking became a part of my friends’ lives) and it had no appeal to me at all. I never heard him, but God told me not to drink and because I trust God, I have not broken this request of me. My trips to Africa and even to China are the same – God told me I needed to be here, so here I am. To me, there was never a choice, I had to do it. Believing as I do that everything happens for a reason (or that God has created me for a specific purpose), there is no point fighting the desires within me. I know that I would have been miserable had I not followed through. Shame: shame from ignoring God.

Interesting isn’t it?

Erin has a church she attends at home, which works along these principals. I don’t think I need a church, as it is hard to find a church which practices the forgiving God and the one on one personal relationship with God, but it was reassuring to me to hear that others think about the same way. It was reassuring to me to hear, with the Bible to back it up, that I am not off base, and that calling my spiritual power “God” is not sacrilegious. This also reaffirmed to me that all religions are the same. We strive to please God, and he talks to us and tells us what we need to do. We shouldn’t judge others, and merely do our own best to live the life God created us for.

I feel like I am following God’s plan. Are you?