I went to the doctor, and we read my x-ray results together. Turns out, no one knows what’s going on in my leg at all! The x-rays were inconclusive; stating that there may or may not be a bone mass in an odd place in my ankle, right where the leg connects to the foot at the front. So, I get to wait for the hospital to call me, and make an appointment for a CT scan. Being an elective procedure for my broken body, it might take years around here! I will probably have to wait until after I get home from school. So yep, it still hurts, and is still baffling doctors!
My blood work came back good. I do not have syphilis, or HIV. I do however, test positive for HEP A, which they say may or may not be from my vaccinations – which were finished a year ago. I think I would like a re-test on that! Maybe when I get my iron retested in March I will ask her to do that again! I also need to get my TB test in March, to make sure Cynthia didn’t give it to me! She was being treated for it my entire stay. Good times hey!? On a good note, my doctor says that I look healthy.
And now that I have given you the practical update, I will give you the sentimental update!
I feel as though I am the happiest I have ever been. I lay down every evening thankful for the day I had, the people in my life, and those that have helped me get where I am. Everyone from my past has changed me, and I love who I am! I am finally right where I am supposed to be!
I am half way through the pre-course package for school. There are 10 units, which approximately 3 tasks per unit. Each task takes me about an average of 45 minutes, although some are much easier than others. I have spent hours on a couple of the assignments, and 5 minutes on others. The five minute ones bother me the most, because I am convinced that because it seems too easy, I must be wrong. However, the ones I spend hours on also feel like maybe I didn’t understand the assignment properly. I know that I could do with some clarification on some of them. When I am supposed to say how I would teach something to my ESL class, I think it would be useful to know what level of learners I have. I would obviously do things entirely differently if I had first time learners versus advanced learners. At any rate, I think I am getting my confident about it! I wonder if I could get away with working on it at work, as I am getting away with writing this blog! There hasn’t actually been much for me to do in days!
For the first time since puberty, I am not “in love” with anyone. This feels surprisingly good! I am not trying to please anyone but myself. I am not thinking about anyone’s opinion on what I do with my life. I am not worried about what will happen with someone if I do something. As selfish as it is, I like only having to look after me. I know, I still care about everyone in my life’s opinion; it’s just that, when I have a boyfriend, I strive to do what they want, regardless of anything else. And to not be “in love” is liberating! I feel free!
I went out for coffee with Trav last week; it was an incredible evening. We laughed like we always used to, but this time, there was no weird tension between us. It was almost like he was my best gay friend! No, I am not calling Travis gay, just that a relationship like showed up for coffee is rare for me to find. No tension, no right or wrong thing to say, just good friends of the opposite sex! I think Justin might be the closest I ever got to that before! We talked about ourselves, we talked about our futures. I went home happy. But not happy like I used to go home after spending time with Travis, but happy like I found a new best friend, in an old best friend. I know we probably won’t be best friends again, but the relationship felt comfortable enough to get there if we wanted. As it was, we talked like best friends. I told him that I wanted to get to know his girlfriend of the last year as well, so that there were no weird feelings hanging around.
I am still spending a lot of time alone, but it is not bothering me anymore. I am working during the day, so that kills a lot of my time! I then try to do an hour of homework in the evenings before Mom and I sit down together to watch TV. I also try to do homework on the weekend, in between other chores and what not. The homework is so dull that I often find myself drifting off though. Maybe I really do need those naps! However, I am still determined! I spend one evening a week with my re-discovered great friend from my Chevron days. It is so great that she is back in my life! She understands me so wonderfully! And I don’t need to sleep with her too! LOL! If there is anyone else who requests my time, I try hard to find room for them too! And if it ever warms up! I can’t wait to hit the slopes again with all this amazing snow we have gotten this week! I have really enjoyed plowing around town in 4x4, feeling like I couldn’t get stuck ever!
For all you jerks out there complaining that your street hasn’t been plowed yet, grow up! We go through this every year. The city can only plow so many streets at a time, and they are getting there as fast as they can! Maybe you didn’t notice, it was a foot of snow that fell over the weekend! If your car can’t handle it, walk or take the damn bus! But don’t complain about it. Just deal with it, or get the hell outta town! (Sorry, the first 3 pages of the newspaper were full of this shit, and it annoyed me, so I wanted to rant a little!)
Anyways, if you are reading this, know that I love you with everything I am! And thanks for loving me!
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